I need more hope. I'm sliding by on a tiny morsel of it, and I don't know if that's enough. I am pulling out all the stops. I applied to a job, I am trying to stay positive, I try to get sleep... but it never feels enough. I have so many things I want to write on here but at the same time it's just stuff that's repeated from past journals and notes I write down. I want him. I want him to want me. I wish I was someone else. Someone who has another love me more than I love them for once. I burn inside but I have to keep it to myself if I even want to have a chance with him again. I'm in an in-between were what I do is going to decide things and I hate floating here. I'm so afraid inside. I know certainty does not truly exist, but it wouldn't hurt to have some form of peace. I fear losing him. I also fear sitting in unrequited limbo forever. I always have to fight for things to work. Why can't someone love the real me? Why do I always have to be a certain way to deserve the love I get? I get my grandparents have a choice, so they don't count. I feel so pathetic. Why don't I deserve love from him?
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